Today's Top News: Shoes and Liposuction.

Just after Christmas I, and a group of others, presented a short lecture on pluralism in British newspapers. In this presentation we addressed the issue of ‘importance’ of news – as to some people a celebrity story can be as equally weighted as a terrorist attack or political revolution. We can only hope that these kinds of people will soon be silenced but, as it is, these misguided views are given to us as equals to the real news – the international affairs, national politics, the environment, skateboarding dogs, technological advances, medicinal improvements, etc. There are so many things more important that Jordan’s newest man, or which OAP Rooney is taking his fancy to, yet we are constantly bombarded with this nonsense.

As I’m sure you can imagine, this tirade has not come out of the blue. I was flicking through the paper just now, inspecting the eventual assassination of Bin Laden by the blood thirsty Americans, when I came across an overview of the events that lead to it, and a comment on the morality and effectiveness of this act. All very newsworthy, interesting and ‘important’.

Next page, I thought, for more thought-provoking or fourth estate-style reporting aiming to keep our government in check and doing what they ought to be.

This is the two page spread laid before me.

I mean, what the hell kind of layout is this!? Yes, OK, put this complete nothing-stories in the paper, kill another few forests by printings thousands of this story to spread around the nation, but at least have some kind of thought for the appropriateness of where it might sit in your publication. Maybe try to ease down from the death of the US’s Public Enemy No. 1 with a bit of light news on our failing NHS or on some more speculative taxes that might be thrown our way.

What is equally infuriating is that it still seems a struggle to fill a page with this nonsense! The small inset in the bottom is even less of a story; for one it seems to be about someone being delivered a shark – this is briefly mentioned but not discussed, so I am still none the wiser about this incident – then it goes onto list some things that FedEx have delivered over the years – a few outrageous things that I’m sure any business running as long and as successfully as FedEx would be able to match – and then attempts a very weak satire on Royal Mail involving Sir Elton John. Not all that relevant to the story it's burrowed itself into, and as equally disinteresting as it is irrelevant.

Definitely not something to be laid out next to the reported assassination of the international murderer responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent people, anyway.

Just a few pages further in, I found another incidence of this frustrating juxtaposing of stories. On the left is a discussion by former Home Secretary David Blunkett concerning the referrendum that's engulfing politics currently, and bottom-right is a story reporting on the closure of the planet’s only radio telescopes searching for extraterrestrial life. But dominating the page are two things; Abbey Clancy and Liposuction.

I am at a loss for what to say. I don’t need to point out the faults and ridicule the editor, as it has laid itself out, ready for attack without my input. Do your own mocking, I’m sure you are all capable enough.

Whilst I’m on the subject of pointing out poor writing, I found a God-awful example of poetry last week.

Now, as much of a nice thought on the morality of animals, and their consciousness of politics, civilisation and religion, it is simply not a poem. So for it to be included in Stevie Smith’s ‘Selected Poems’ is laughable. I did have to check the name of the book before coming to a full decision on this; if it had been a ‘collected writings’ then it would be understandable, but as a ‘selected poem’, this not only naively asserts this writing as a poem, but also assumes that it has been selected by someone for its merits. Goodness knows what other gibberish Stevie Smith has written in her time.

If you've noticed any terrible writing recently, please don't point it out to me, as it'll only make me angrier.