Splendid News! The Return of Sir Alex!

I’ve taken a bit of a rest from blogging recently, mostly because nothing ‘notable’ has happened, but something especially notable hit me just a few hours ago. News that I’m sure will shake you as it has shaken me.

I heard the best piece of news in many years this morning. When I heard it I could hardly contain myself, I ran from the kitchen where I was making breakfast, burst into my father’s studio and proclaimed the wonderful revelation, the news that will surely change all of our lives indefinitely.

The elegant, soothing, comforting words of Sir Alex Ferguson will once again grace our ears over the radio and TV waves of the BBC. This was this ground moving announcement that shook me so, this morning.

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It has been a long 7 years without his holiness on the BBC, and I am now overflowing with excitement for his insights on Match of the Day. I’m sure he’ll have many interesting, thought-provoking and witty things to share with viewers. My growing disinterest in Premiership football is sure to end; now the tour de force of eloquence and intellectual merit will be back on our screens.

I have been sick to death of seeing the Manchester United support staff talking about the performance of their team, so I am more than excited to get words from the man himself. The big cheese. The head honcho. The brains behind sending 11 goons running around a field after spherical, bouncy object.

What I’m most keen to hear from Sir Alex (how ridiculous is it that he’s been knighted? It really brings it down as an achievement, I feel sorry for people who’ve actually earned the honour, they must be so disheartened to know they’re considered equal to him) is his arrogance. I am so eager to hear him speak about his decisions and the acts of his impertinent henchmen and hail them as heroes or compare them to people who’ve actually done good in the world.

This is just a quick thought on the big man himself, I’ve not got much else to say...

Ooh, the Ayling household is soon to have a kitchen garden. How posh are we!? We’re buying a bit of some neighbour’s land and it’s set to becoming a working garden. We’ll be on Gardener’s World before we all know it!

Also, after having a conversation last night, sparked by Derren Brown, about the likelihood of lottery numbers coming out in a predictable or regular order, in which my mother decided it was less likely the numbers would come in in an order as it imposes more restraints on the outcome. This is nonsense, the order is random so 1,2,3,4,5,6 is just as likely as 4,7,22,34,41,49. It's just human intuition to believe that a random selection of numbers is more likely to come out than an ordered one. 

Anyway, I saw the lotto numbers just before I went to bed. Coincidence? I think so.

Jam and Greed

My day yesterday slowly grew in success, beginning with shopping (as I’ve discussed the negatives of previously) and finishing in coming home to about 8 of homemade blackberry jam (which I am now making my way through). But in the middle I heard the most amazing conversation on the train home.

The most quintessentially cute and doting old lady’s voice came floating over to me as I sat on the train and she had, somehow, in the few minutes she’d been sitting on the train she had sparked up the God-debate. She was – as many of her generation are – Christian and hearing her voice discussing the virtues of her religion with two young atheists was one of the cutest things I have ever heard.

The two guys she was speaking to were level headed, seemingly hadn’t been hoodwinked into believing in any religions and were brilliantly honest with this lady. At one point, one of them declared his viewpoint was one from ‘using his head’ – something that I would be terrified to say to a believer’s face, let alone this doting old grandmother who was a complete stranger to these lads – which I thought was fantastic.

I am, as you probably know, strongly opposed to the existence of religion, spirituality and any kind of nonsense related to those areas, but it is ingrained into me – and all of us – that all Christians are thoroughly nice people. I know this to be wrong as some simply aren’t, but the approach of this lady was so inherently kind-hearted and generous that I sat there on the fold-down chair grinning away like a moron, the bluntly honest approach of the other two aided in this smile, and I was helpless to the joys of eavesdropping.

Now, that sounds a bit too heart-warming so I shall make a new complaint.

Religion in greedy.

I thought this earlier, and it’s got to be right. Even if the believers who follow the commandments are doing it in the best of intentions, the basis of them was written in order to scaremonger followers into ‘good’ behaviour through promises that can (unfortunately) as easily be proved as they can be disproved. The very fortunate system of most of the promises coming to fruition after death or happening to your ‘soul’ (which is as easy to access as your afterlife) means that followers blindly follow rules set out by psychopathic morons hundreds of years ago.

Even Buddhism – the ‘nice’ religion – has a strong basis in greed; Karma is the system by which people behave pleasantly to one another in order to have ‘Karma’ repay them by having equally pleasing things happen to them in return.

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Christianity is about spending your life fearing God – a stupid system that isn’t for discussion today – in order to get a cushy afterlife up there in the clouds with Jesus. Muslims are all about getting their hands on those 40 virgins, Jehovah’s Witnesses are in the race to get into heaven before the spaces run out. Religions are about gaining something, even if it’s something as innocent as a peaceful afterlife; most parts of religion are about attaining something in return.

Which is why atheism is better. Not only because is it simply correct, but the mentality of most atheists is that one ought to be nice to others as it’s just not a good thing to do. We hope to be treated in the same way, but not through ‘Karma’ and not because we want to be rewarded later in life (or afterlife) but just because it makes for a better world and a more successful society.

This post has drifted from the warm fuzzy feeling I got from that elderly lady so let’s get back to her; she was the cutest thing ever. That was my point for today, really. Oh and that blackberry jam is wonderful.

I also went to a Derren Brown TV recording, set to air at the end of next month. It’s going to be another amazing series, so I’m awaiting the end of September with great excitement.

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Jono: The Musical DVDs are getting there, we are recording a commentary tomorrow which will hopefully be included on the disc, provided we can get technology on our side. If you are keen to get your grubby little hands on a copy of the show, then email me at jonoayling@hotmail.com to order yourself a disc.

Toodloo.