Today, as the Sun is still shining, I spent a few hours in Tenterden park enjoying good company, good weather and a selection of sports, here's an example of a stunning catch I took in the background of an overweight boy with split shorts.
During my time here, we were approached by what can only be described as a loud, uncouth, pale and attention seeking lout of a boy. He made his way over to us, exclaiming that two of my companions were 'a piece of shit'. I felt this insult rather harsh and unnecessary, as we were innocently enjoying an afternoon in the Sun.
This unwanted slop of a person proceeded to sit and stay for the duration, I did manage to escape for a hearty game of football (which was won emphatically 16-5 by my team) but, before this welcome path out, I was subject to a worrying discussion.
The fellow who joined us seemed to be inclined to his dairy foods. He was very keen on 'getting in some cheese' for the evening. He was making a few phone calls, making sure he could get his cheese from the right person - he obviously had a fine palette and wished to only sample the finest cheeses from his contacts. He then went on to ask if we would like to try some of this cheese, offering an eighth to us. I wasn't sure of this cheese measurment, but I presume it would be enough to generously fill a good few crackers, as he told us that a tenth had previously seen him well into the night.
 |
| http://canterbury.offersthebest.com/assets/userfiles/Oxygen/CheeseBoard.jpg |
Perhaps I had been wrong about him, he was brash and fatuous but he had a fine taste and was keen to share his cheese with others.
I got back to my games and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon.
It was later that I realised what was wrong about this chap. I got a feeling that he may have been a drug abuser, so I quickly had a search for 'cheese', and it turns out that it is a recreational drug made from heroin mixed with various over-the-counter drugs. I must say, I wasn't impressed. I had spelt time in this man's company, putting my life on the line and he was a heroin abuser!
I felt I couldn't let this go unpublished, I felt a warning was necessary. I don't know if any other drugs are masquerading as dairy products, but I feel it is only safe to turn down any offer of cheese, milk, butter, even ice-cream, anything that may have ever been near a mammery gland could be a danger to you. I emplore you to think twice next time the ice-cream jingle floats into your home. Do not send anyone to these vans, for they could contain copious amounts of heroin, cocaine, ecstasy, or goodness knows what.
Any form of dairy product may actually be an illegal substance, aiming to maim your senses and leave you in a dribbling mess in the corner. Please be careful when buying on the street, try to only purchase from reputable sources such as Waitrose or Marks & Spencer.
Thinking of this, I did once hear that cocaine is sometimes referred to as 'snow'. So, equally, if anyone ever offers you any kind of precipitation, take their offer sternly and make sure you don't purchase anything you don't want to.
With my public service announcement over with, I'll let you get back on with your day.
Stay safe.
No comments:
Post a Comment